Loving Her Sugar Tits

Posted on November 17, 2010 by lance

sugar titsI dreamt about her last night. I don’t know her but she comes to my dream every few weeks or so. Her auburn hair would tickle my stomach as she would suck my cock. I’d part her hair and gaze into her eyes. Those green eyes sparkled like emeralds. Then, I’d pull her up and kiss her sugar tits while she lowers herself unto my cock. Often, I’d wake up as soon as an inch of my cock is inside her. Frustrated, I’d lie in bed and wonder who this chick is and why she was haunting me.

I was on an airplane one day when I saw her – the real her! I pinched myself hard just to make sure that I was awake. She was reading a book and had glasses on but I knew it was her! So many weeks of fucking her phantom image had made me memorize her face. Yes, this is her. I looked down and saw the same sugar tits that I had suckled for so many nights! Surely, this must be an enchantress or witch or she could be my soulmate.

I didn’t let the opportunity pass me by. No one was sitting beside her so I sat down and introduced myself.

sugar tits“Scott,” I said, extending my hand.

Shocked, she looked at me hard and said, “Claire”.

“I’ve been having dreams about you,” I said.

“That is crazy! I was having dreams about you, too!” she said. “If your dreams are the same as mine, then there must be something that is connecting us. It is scary, weird, and yet very exciting.”

“True! Have we met before?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I am from Wyoming and had lived there all my life. This is my first time to be away from home,” she said, her sugar tits moving sexily as she said that.

I whispered to her ear, “We’ve been having big breast sex in my dreams.”

“Oh, dear! We actually do that in my dreams, too!” she exclaimed.

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Gigantic tits as weapons of choice

Posted on November 3, 2010 by lance

I had a buddy who used to work at Raytheon, the missile and radar company in Southern California.  I thought what a fucking cool job!  He was telling me he was writing software that they would put in the guidance systems of these weapons and radar systems.  It seemed pretty fucking cool to me—all the images of James Bond and all his hi-tech gadgetry came to mind.  If I was working for a defense contractor, I would take a more eco-friendly and holistic approach to National Defense.  My focus would be on organic or ANATOMIC weapons of choice.  In particular I would focus on gigantic tits as weapons of choice.

You see like any weapons system to be effective it has to be able to target the enemy effectively.  This is normally done using radar, computer imagery, heat topograhy, and what have you.  My Anatomical Weapons System will target men and will use built-in attraction factors like the smell of tits–pheromones and the smell of tits. I think most guys reading this would agree that smell aside, it’s the look of gigantic tits, staring straight at you are almost impossible for a straight man to resist.  Have you ever experienced talking to a busty woman and your eyes are just looking at her tits while she’s just jabbering away?  If you agree then you’ve just proven my proof of concept that gigantic tits have a built-in tracking system when it comes to men.

Of course if I were a weapons designer, this anatomic weapon would probably be a purely anti-personnel, man-to-man weapon.  It  can’t be done on a mass scale.  You can’t put on a giant billboard with massive tits to hypnotize people for a mass boobies weapon of destruction.  For mass titty warfare to work you would probably will need daily tits.  Like daily tit images that carry some sort of subliminal messages of “surrender now” or some sort of message that the enemy population – well at least, the male part of that population, lose the will to fight. It’s hard to ignore gigantic tits especially flashing tits right on your face.  I’ve yet to meet a straight man that can successfully resist large flashing boobies from in front of his face and keep his eyes straight on a woman’s face.

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The art of oggling gigantic tits

Posted on October 26, 2010 by lance

As I have mentioned before in my prior posts, fantastic natural tits are the best tits in the world.  They also have their own gravitational field.  They tend to drag men’s eyes from looking at a woman’s face to her chest.  It never fails.  Sometimes it takes actual physical effort to fight that downward drift, especially when the woman talking to you has a chest size of 36 and has double-C cups at least.  Damn!  It’s really physically gruelling work trying to keep my eye muscles trained on her face and on her mouth instead of quickly zeroing in on those heaving, soft luscious balls of tit flesh that I’d love to fuck.

So I’ve develop some rules on the art of oggling gigantic tits without getting caught.  ‘Coz the best tits really are tits that catch you unaware, the all-natural, corn-fed, all-American titties that you happen to come across and you’re unprepared for.

Follow these tips to avoid embarassment

There’s two ways to look at something: straight ahead and peripheral vision.  With 20/20 vision we have field of view, that goes to the extreme left of our eyes to the far right of our eyes.  That’s the field of vision.  For example you’re at a restaurant and a chick comes in and she drops something and she stoops over to pick it up and the top of her tits are close to flopping out of her top—ripe massive fucking melons.  The fucked-up way to look at her tits is just to straight up stare at them.  That would make you like a perverted clown who just got released from prison (and Jamaal’s cock grip).  The best way to deal with this situation is to “stare” at her melons using corner of your eye.  You do this while pretending to talk with your friend.  Nod like you’re listening to your friend but you’re actually staring at awesome boobage.  Sure, this does not give as much good of a view as  looking straight at those natural wonders but it does prevent you from public shame.  You are staring at great tits but you are just doing it in the socially approved way.

Another way of oggling great tits is coughing while you’re taking a straight look at a woman’s tits.  When you cough, the viewer is caught unaware on what you’re really doing so they are focusing more on your cough.  It kinda’ disrupts their pattern so they can’t judge you, and say “oh this guy’s a scumbag, just oggling that poor woman’s boobies!”  When you cough it kinda’ justifies you bending over a little bit while cupping your mouth and looking straight at them titties.  The downside of this method is that while you’re allowed a direct look, it has to be extremely quick.  You can’t just stare at them like a madman or some sort of  perv.  You just have to cough and very quickly stare at the big tits, and then straighten up again, and then continue talking with somebody else.  It has its advantages and disadvanteges.

And finally another method for getting some good glances at the best tits that you come across for that day is body language.  Like when you’re blinking a lot or when you’re scratching, it distracts the person looking at you from looking at your eyes.  For example, if you’re blinking a lot and then you’re scratching, or adjusting your shirt, but staring straight at a busty woman and blinking, they would be more forgiving in judging what you’re doing because its seems like you’re doing other things.  But again the drawback here is that you cannot stare at those titties for long period of time, ‘coz you’d look like a pervert.  But at least you get a full view.

So enjoy oggling awesome tits and happy booby hunting!

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Field manual for gorgeous tits

Posted on October 12, 2010 by lance

I’ve been a long time fan of big tits porn going on 20 to 30 years now. Actually, I’ve been a fan of big tits since I was a little kid.  I saw my buddy’s mom breastfeed his younger brother when I was six.  That was the first time that breasts became sexual objects to my mind and that image has been with  me ever since.    Being a big fan of big tits porn through all these years, you kinda’ develop a taste for quality.  It’s damn near impossible to view all tits as the same.  When you’re a connoisseur, you have to have a quality guide in your mind as to whether the big tits in front of you are worth fucking or worth pursuing.  So interest of educating the titty-loving public and helping humanity in general, here’s my field manual for gorgeous tits.

I don’t care what kind of tits you like whether they are black tits or latin tits, busty eatern european chicks, or arab women, or japanese tits, you have to have a quality criteria in your mind.  Otherwise you would be just going through all these pictures and videos of busty women in different sizes and colors, and thinking that they’re all then same.  Well, they aren’t the same!  Regardless of color, religion, or country they’re from, quality is quality.  Quality knows no color, no religion or whatever.  But quality is quality.

So what are the quality guidelines for gorgeous quality tits?
For a set of tits to be labeled as “gorgeous,” they have to have symmetry.  If you’re looking for tits that are roughly the same size as the other, give it up.  It’s impossible to find perfectly symmetric tits since tits don’t come from a factory.  Tits are a wonderful product of Nature.  That’s why large, natural tits are truly a sight to behold because they are a rare product of nature, and it’s too much to ask for them to be perfectly symmetrical,  You might as well order the common, bolt-on plastic tits, that you see on Hollywood starlets and porn bimbos nowadays.  Since those tits are fake, symmetry is possible and that’s how doctors prefers it.  Symmetrical globes of jelly or silicone.  Plain nasty.  In the natural world there are titties that are uneven, and that’s how they are.  The key is they are not so uneven that are freakish.  A little sag on the left titty or the right tit being larger than the left booby is ok.  That’s just part of natural honest tits.

Second rule:  Gorgeous tits must be firm but not rock hard firm.  With the rise of plastic boobies in bigtitsporn it’s a common and very sad sight to see a woman getting fucked and jumping up and down on a hard cock, bucking wildly over a stiff shaft, or just bending over getting man-handled and her tits don’t move!  Talk about a hard-on killer.  Nothing makes me pissed more than seeing a “model” getting fucked, sucking dick, and her tits don’t move.  What an outrage!  That’s the one of the side effects of having bolt-on plastic tits.  So one key criteria of defining gorgeous tits is that they have to move with the flow.  They have to move naturally.

The third and final element in the definition of gorgeous tits is that they are not droopy.  They have to retain their shape.  They can’t hang-down all u-shaped with her nipples pointing down at her knees.  That’s nasty.  That’s like those old ass National Geographic flat tits tribal journey pictures.  Not good.  Gorgeous tits retain their shape.

That’s how I define gorgeous tits, and take it from me with years of porn experience watching eskimo porn, japanese tits, arabian tits, whatever.  Watching them in bigtitsporn movies or in real life travels as a travelling businessman.  So take it from me – Stick to natural.

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A few reasons to hate charming tits

Posted on September 30, 2010 by lance

I’d be the last guy to say I hate tits. I’ve always been a big fan of big tit videos.  I love watching women with large tits get their hungry holes fucked by hung black cocks.  Nothing gets me harder than blonde women with huge knockers, sucking dick and tits video.  So I was really surprised at myself when I began disliking busty women with charming tits.

What do you mean by charming tits?  They don’t have to have large breasts just chicks that are overly cheerful, and their tits are framed in this skimpy tops which try to make them cute.  I guess what annoys me is the whole “trying to be cute and trying to be teasing” kinda thing.  These chicks  use their tits to show off and yet have this “you can’t have me” or “I’m unavailable” attitudes.  Yet they dress in very skimpy outfits.  I hate that bullshit charm.  I call that “charming tits”.  It’s using tits as bait to lure a guy’s eyes and then she puts on this fucking show like she’s all nice and she’s a good girl.  That kinda’ shit.  Makes me sick.

The truth is every woman has a hidden slutty side.  A hidden whore.  These charming tits girls, they dress like that.  They try to charm you, but deep down, they want cock just like any other woman.  It just baffles me.  It’s frustrating and it sure as fuck is annoying.  The fakeness, the hipocrisy.  It’s kinda’ like that Dave Chappelle skit where he tells the story of a girl who says “I’m not a whore”.  He says “yes, that’s right!  But why are you wearing a whore’s uniform?”  The same way with chicks who wear skimpy tops, then tries to be all Miss Too Good For You and  gets all upset and uptight when you try to connect to her on that nasty freaky level.  The hypocrisy, the waste of time, and the annoyance.  Definitely a few of the reasons to hate charming tits.

Title #8: Gigantic tits as weapons of choice

I had a buddy who used to work at Raytheon, the missile and radar company in Southern California.  I thought what a fucking cool job!  He was telling me he was writing software that they would put in the guidance systems of these weapons and radar systems.  It seemed pretty fucking cool to me—all the images of James Bond and all his hi-tech gadgetry came to mind.  If I was working for a defense contractor, I would take a more eco-friendly and holistic approach to National Defense.  My focus would be on organic or ANATOMIC weapons of choice.  In particular I would focus on gigantic tits as weapons of choice.

You see like any weapons system to be effective it has to be able to target the enemy effectively.  This is normally done using radar, computer imagery, heat topograhy, and what have you.  My Anatomical Weapons System will target men and will use built-in attraction factors like the smell of tits–pheromones and the smell of tits. I think most guys reading this would agree that smell aside, it’s the look of gigantic tits, staring straight at you are almost impossible for a straight man to resist.  Have you ever experienced talking to a busty woman and your eyes are just looking at her tits while she’s just jabbering away?  If you agree then you’ve just proven my proof of concept that gigantic tits have a built-in tracking system when it comes to men.

Of course if I were a weapons designer, this anatomic weapon would probably be a purely anti-personnel, man-to-man weapon.  It  can’t be done on a mass scale.  You can’t put on a giant billboard with massive tits to hypnotize people for a mass boobies weapon of destruction.  For mass titty warfare to work you would probably will need daily tits.  Like daily tit images that carry some sort of subliminal messages of “surrender now” or some sort of message that the enemy population – well at least, the male part of that population, lose the will to fight. It’s hard to ignore gigantic tits especially flashing tits right on your face.  I’ve yet to meet a straight man that can successfully resist large flashing boobies from in front of his face and keep his eyes straight on a woman’s face.

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Shockingly evil secrets of cartoon tits

Posted on September 17, 2010 by lance

If you told me earlier about cartoon tits, I’d probably laugh at you.  What the fuck? Cartoon tits? Who the hell gets off on cartoon tits? When it comes to tits, the draw or the appeal is the three dimesional image of large breasts just sticking out at you with puffy nipples like little eyes, and areolas all ripe, ready to be licked and bitten softly.  The thought gets me hard just thinking about it.  But when somebody says cartoon tits, I check for a straitjacket.  Cartoons are just two dimensional products of a world that doesn’t exist–Scooby-Doo, Jetsons, or the Flintstones!

Imagine my surprise when a buddy of mine, who works for a 3D animation company in Burbank, told me about the evil secrets of  cartoon tits!  Cartoons are no longer painted by hand.  It used to be created using a process called cel animation.  They would use sheets of plastic where they would draw one frame at a time and them keep layering the frames until the image looks like its moving.  It was very labor intensive and extremely expensive now.  Nowadays, it’s all software driven.  But when they automated animation, they realized that if they can do that then why stop at 2D images when you can do 3-dimensional images?  One of the secrets of cartoon tits is that 3D image rendering can create titties for any cartoon character.  Any of your favorite cartoon characters can have titties that matches their dimensions.  In the days of cel animation, it was hard to imagine tits on Shaggy, for example, or tits on Barney Rubble but with the computerized cartoon imaging, growing cartoon tits is just a click of a button away.
Another thing that my animator buddy clued me in about cartoon tits is that it is all about light.  A cartoon image get its shape from how light bounces around it.  It was very hard to do this by hand.  Very labor intensive.  With computer animation it’s really just a touch of a button.  It’s one secret, probably the tricky secret when it comes to cartoon porn. Automated shading.  So whether you’re jerkin’ off to XXX version of fan art, Betty Rubble getting double teamed by Fred and Barney, make sure you give thanks to the techno wizardry of modern 3D cartoon imaging.  They made it all possible.

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Top three under-appreciated things about busty tits

Posted on September 3, 2010 by lance

I think most men would agree, that busty tits are a great thing.  Large globes of flesh on a woman’s chest, brings back warm, comforting, memories of sucking your own mom’s tits–memories of home. But besides the size and the texture and the softness of big, round tits, there are other reasons for appreciating a chesty woman’s largest assets.

One great thing about busty tits is that they make great pillows.  Yes it’s true.  After you’ve plowed your girlfriend’s pussy hard, to maybe 30 minutes of  intense, relentless fucking, it always feel great to have two giant flesh pillows cradling your head as you rest, trying to catch your breath, and you’re all sweaty and tired.  Nothing is more reassuring and comforting that communicates great love than a woman cradling a grown man’s head with her titties after some serious, raw, intense fucking.

Another great thing that is underappreciated about busty tits is that they are great stress relievers.  I don’t know about you, but when I stopped smoking, I always needed something like a pencil, in my hand that I can keep fidling with because before I stopped smoking I used to have a cigarette in my hand, that’s how cigarette addiction becomes an addiction.  It takes something that you’re doing normally and makes an association with smoking. So when I quit smoking it was the reverse process, I had to associate something with the cigarette.  Luckily I was dating a pretty busty chick at the time I quit smoking, so instead of rolling a cigarette between my index fingers, I would grad her tits and have her nipples between my fingers.  And boy, having a 34 double D cup in your right hand, while you’re trying to quit smoking, and rubbing your dick between her soft ass, is definitely a great way to quit smokiing and an incentive to stay off nicotine.

The third underappreciated thing about busty tits is that they save relationships.  What do I mean by this? When you’re at a bar, hangin’ out with friends and a new hottie, a hungry little slut gives you that look, it’s easy to forget about your girl.  It’s easy to forget about that loving woman waiting at home for you, especially that new chick checking you out is young, eager, and looks like she’s a great fuck! Busty tits, if you have a woman with an endowed busty rack, provides a great mental reminder of why you have to stay monogamous, or why you need to stay faithful to your woman.  All I thought about was my girlfriend’s large tits waiting for me at home, and nobody could distract or attract me.  Even if Angelina Jolie walks into a room buck naked i’d probably won’t be interested, ‘coz all I have in my mind is my woman’s busty tits waiting for me at home.

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Four reasons bouncy tits can cause suicidal fantasies

Posted on August 20, 2010 by lance

beach titsBack in the 80′s when I was a teenager, I remember watching the final parts of that awesome TV show, Charlie’s Angels.  Almost every other episode, it shows one of the angels running on the beach with her bouncy tits.  That kind of image burns into your memory and kinda’ comes back to haunt you, in a sexy way, from time to time.  That’s how powerful tv is, in establishing our sexual taste – what we find sexy.  I’ve always been looking for those bouncy tits on the beach–those perfect beach tits. I came to realize that bouncy tits can cause suicidal fantasies.  It’s true.

Why bouncy tits can be fatal?

Reason number 1: While firm tits are more common on smaller chested women, bouncy large, beach tits are kinda’ rare and if you’re a guy with a girl who has this precious assets, you’re really lucky.  But if you’re a guy with a girlfriend who is flat-chested, with really firm, small tits, sharing your bouncy tits fantasy can be suicidal.  Not only would it cause a lot of bickering and arguments, you could lose your girl, and you can be so depressed and you could kill yourself.  All that just for boumcy tits.  So in terms of the lesson for this story is that be happy with what you’ve got!

Reason number 2:  Another reason bouncy can cause heartache, if not, severe injury, is when you’re walking down the street and you see bouncy tits, more likely, another guy has spotted that same great rack. If that’s the case, you two might slam into each other.  I’ve seen this first hand at the gym.  A buddy’s girlfriend just got these new massive implants, and these guys slammed into each other at full speed because their eyes were glued on this girl’s chest!  Just like a tractor beam, bouncy tits just like drag your eyes down–it has it’s own center of gravity. So I would say that big tits should come with a warning sign.  Kinda’ like cigarette warnings that say: Government warning, bouncy tits can cause serious distraction which may lead to great physical injury.

Reason number 3: Tits with an extra bounce can cause injuries.  Picture yourself drunk at a bar and you noticed a hot college girl with a tight sweater and a massive 34D twins underneath the sweater. You’ve got a little bit too much of Jagermeister or Colt 45 in you, you may lose inhibition, and maybe dispense with words and start pawing at those big mounds.  Such actions would definitely be hazardous to your health if they would have a huge bouncer named Bubba or her boyfriend is with her.  Big boobs and alcohol do not mix.  So repeat that to yourself and it may save your life.

Finally the reason, number 4:  Bouncy tits may cause grievous physical harm to you is just sheer masturbation.  Just the amount of man milk you would milk from your prostate endlessly thinking about nice firm melons bouncing up and down the beach somewhere.  It helps to ground the fantasy  and reality.  Beautiful bouncy tits, with erect nipples, are great to fantasize about but it has its place. Use a little moderation, try not to spurt all your yogurt at the same place and at the same time.  Try to space it out, drink a lot of fluids, because I’ve heard a lot of horror stories of guys who’ve jerked off to death or near death.  Granted these are anecdotal stories but one theme that they do have in common is that the guy used crystal meth first.  This one guy apparently jerked off so hard, he circumsized himself.  It’s pretty graphic and brings to mind vienna sausages cut in two – not a great image to have in mind.

So there you have it, be careful around those bouncy tits!

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Why call boobs, tits?

Posted on August 9, 2010 by lance

There’s many mysteries that one can ponder in life… “why is the sky blue?”, “why are we here?”, “why does MTV still exist?”, “why does Snooki from Jersey Shore look like a fat midget shemale?”or “why is facebook so damn popular?”.  One particular deep question that I’ve had is about tits.  In particular, why call boobs, tits?  George Carlin had this famous skit back in the 70′s, “The Seven Dirty Words” where he was talking about these seven words that were banned by the FCC from ever being mentioned on the airwaves.  One of them was the word “tits.” He was saying that tits was a very innocent term.  You can use it as a nickname, somebody’s nickname… you know like, “hey tits what’s up?”.  I think that tits just have a collegial tone to it.  So why call boobs, tits? Besides the fact that it’s a synonym, that’s how language evolves, boobs has a particular concept.

Boobs has more of a polite kind of feel to it, like  “your boobs.” I guess it sounds exactly like a dumb person – boob.  But boobs is somewhat more innocent.  Tits, on the other hand, can be downright dirty.  Maybe because it’s very jocular.  Although George Carlin says it’s very innocently. Sure, it’s nice and innocent among men.  But with women it’s kind of brings an embarassing feel to it, a little bit more clinical.  I believe it is because it is based on the word “teats”–a cow has teats.  Tits are a big part of the cow’s anatomy, and equating a woman with the animal – a cow, I guess highlights some of that discomfort.  So if you’re gonna use the word tits, just call them boobs.  That’s why we call boobs, tits.  I think more for bringing up a more clinical dimension to the word.  But you wanna use it in a polite sense, I’d say stick to boobs.

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Blue tits, WTF?

Posted on August 7, 2010 by lance

When I was a kid back in mid-80′s, there was a cartoon show called “The Smurfs” every Saturday morning.  The Smurfs were these blue imp-like cartoon characters.  They were pretty funny.  There was Brainy smurf, Brawny smurf, and there’s Grandpa smurf.  All these Smurf guys, wearing their white hats and their pajama bottoms, and most were topless.  And get this–there was only one female!  That was never fully explained to me.  Her name was Smurfette.  Blue skin. Blonde hair.

One of my pre-teen questions was what would Smurfette look like if she were butt-naked or topless.  I guess that would be the definition of “blue tits.”  Either that or a busty model would hold her breath ’til she’s turn blue.  I though it was just a perverted and stupid pre-teen fantasy of mine, seeing Smurfette naked.  You would not see that on TV, of course. I think the original show was shown on channel 4.  So I kinda’ kept that in the back of my mind and I’ve forgotten about it, until recently.  While searching the internet for something unrelated, an image search came up showing Smurfette getting gang-banged by 5 different Smurfs, and, boy, they were really angry!  Smurfette was really busy trying to keep a sword fight in her mouth as her pussy and asshole were invaded by hard little blue dicks.  They even shot spurts and wads of blueberry cream.  Hilarious!

That pictures was worth a laugh and definitely brought back older fantasies of mine.  Finally seeing blue tits.  Definitely, worth the laugh and worth the wait.  There’s many fan art, that’s what they call x-rated versions of cartoon porn, of established trademarks on the internet.  You could see those fan art pics, and those Smurfette had a lot of fan arts showing off her blue tits, and getting her blue pussy poked.  Fun stuff!

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